Friends, do not be perturbed by this acquisition. The inhabitants of Taketooine are simple, uneducated, pond scum, with no understanding of the value of their planet. My minions have spent many hours investigating their natural resources, which include GTA, Bully, Midnight Club, Mafia, Bioshock, Civilization and a small but annoyingly competent sports division. The value of these properties and the workers who develop them is well in excess of $40 per share, yet we are only offering $26!
Even if the rebel leaders demand $33 per share, they will be falling into our trap, undervaluing their assets like the poor moronic peasants we know they are. These fools do not even realize that we need their planet to maintain our dominant position in the universe. It is no secret than the armies of Activision and Blizzard are gathering in the corner of the galaxy, ready to mount an assault on us any day now. We are starving, and we must expand, we must acquire, we must consume, or our enemies will dethrone us. No, my friends, we cannot let that happen. When we open our mighty jaws and devour this tasty morsel of a planet, the final bill, whether it is $26 or $36, will be nothing compared to the benefits it will bring.
2
Lord Riccivader
To my fellow Evil Acquirers:
Friends, do not be perturbed by this acquisition. The inhabitants of Taketooine are simple, uneducated, pond scum, with no understanding of the value of their planet. My minions have spent many hours investigating their natural resources, which include GTA, Bully, Midnight Club, Mafia, Bioshock, Civilization and a small but annoyingly competent sports division. The value of these properties and the workers who develop them is well in excess of $40 per share, yet we are only offering $26!
Even if the rebel leaders demand $33 per share, they will be falling into our trap, undervaluing their assets like the poor moronic peasants we know they are. These fools do not even realize that we need their planet to maintain our dominant position in the universe. It is no secret than the armies of Activision and Blizzard are gathering in the corner of the galaxy, ready to mount an assault on us any day now. We are starving, and we must expand, we must acquire, we must consume, or our enemies will dethrone us. No, my friends, we cannot let that happen. When we open our mighty jaws and devour this tasty morsel of a planet, the final bill, whether it is $26 or $36, will be nothing compared to the benefits it will bring.